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what i heard in meeting

August 2nd, 2006 (12:48 am)
contemplative
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current location: on the bed with my two cats
current mood: contemplative
current song: 94.9 fm "big sonic chill"

today, someone mentioned that she was always looking outside herself to be taken care of, and i had a couple of epiphanies on hearing this. first i so understood her statement because i too have always wanted to find someone to take care of me because i'm dreadfully tired of having to do it. so i quit. but then i thought that i'm tired because i have wasted all my effort trying to take care of others when they can and should be doing it themselves. and then, it occurred to me that maybe if i spent my energy taking care of myself, then i'd not be so tired and could quit looking for someone to take care of me (when in reality, even if i found someone who tried, they'd do it "wrong" and piss me off anyways!).

and just last week i thought that all those months looking for the perfect Dom last year was a futile endeavor. i finally realized only my higher power could fulfill all my requirements; any human is going to fall far short. then i heard last saturday at another meeting that we should look in ourselves for what we look for in others and our higher power. i'm seeing a pattern from the universe here for me to clue into....